you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have tasted many bathrooms
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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