He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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