This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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