So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
