May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
