I just threw up on my dentist
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
