my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
