We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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