I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
