I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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