I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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