Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
