accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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