I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
