and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
