The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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