God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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