Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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