Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
