why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
