Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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