where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
