omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
