a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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