I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
