Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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