so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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