Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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