ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
