its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
