Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
