If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
