Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
