i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
