i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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