fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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