When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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