Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
