Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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