when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
