Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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