We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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