Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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