Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
