I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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