I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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