this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
