I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
