Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
