i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
