she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
